Surrender and Heal

In 2014, I was selected, by the providence of the Holy Spirit to go to Lebanon for about 2 months. If you read my last blog, you will understand that I had sensed the Lord telling me to stay in the United States as this was my mission field, so going to Lebanon was not an easy undertaking. First, God had to break through my resistance. Maybe you have never done this, but I reminded God about what He told me, “My mission field is my backyard so no, I don’t want to go to Lebanon.” Additionally, the Lord had given me this unsettling word in my spirit “I’m going to heal you in community.”   Perhaps this word seems like a positive word to you, however, at the time of this word, I was experiencing increasing amounts of introversion. This was being triggered from the leadership and staff around me. I knew what God said he was going to do; He was about to do it and do it GOOD! (Forgive the grammar, but God only does "good" to us.) 

This is a long introduction to the theme for this month, which is water. What I had envisioned when I sat down to write this blog, was my trekking along the side of the mountains of Lebanon in the rain. It was raining on my soul. It was raining on my pride and I was not a happy camper. What began as a frightful trip up a narrow road in the middle of a rainstorm ended in a frightful trek by foot, for about 1-3 miles, maybe longer. I’d rather error on the side of it being shorter, given I cannot recollect the actual miles. I don’t want to give in to exaggeration as that is not the point of this story. 

The Word says it rains on the just and the unjust alike - 

Matthew 5:45

So that you may [show yourselves to] be the children of your Father who is in heaven; for He makes His sun rise on those who are evil and on those who are good, and makes the rain fall on the righteous [those who are morally upright] and the unrighteous [the unrepentant, those who oppose Him].

I had a heavy load on my back. Yes, I was carrying my backpack, yet I was so angry. Throughout the trip, I had been triggered in various ways and at some point, I needed to have some deliverance during this time. Now, please take into consideration that I was in a leadership role on this trip and God decided that this trip was a good time to heal some major issues that I had.  They say hindsight is 20/20.  Now I can see the unforgiveness, woundedness and the desperate need to be healed that was not so evident to me at the time. Two major issues the Lord dealt with were my father issues and death (my husband had passed away in 2009). Lebanon had many refugees that had experienced war. It left many widows along with fatherless boys and girls. Additionally, many refugees from Syria and Palestine were living in refugee camps displaced from war. I was so immersed into the atmosphere of Lebanon and as I sat and worshiped for hours in adoration in our upstairs prayer room, interceding for the people. His presence was purging my soul. All my issues were surfacing, and God was about to break me down to build me back up. The Bible says that God resists the proud; opposition and unrepentance is pride.

Psalm 29: 3-5

The voice of the Lord is upon the waters; the God of glory thunders; the Lord is upon many waters. The voice of the Lord is powerful; the voice of the Lord is full of majesty. The voice of the Lord breaks the cedars; Yes, the Lord breaks in pieces the cedars of Lebanon.

The plan for the day was to drive up to see the renowned Cedars of Lebanon. Our host was so gracious, and I was absolutely against going. My introversion meter was maxed out and I wanted to stay home alone, because I was about to explode! The Lord wanted to heal me in community, remember?  I had a roommate and as a team, we ate meals, worked, played and spent hours on end together! I was going to die! Now, here we are, stuck on the side of the mountain because our van had gotten stuck in the mud and the small, scary narrow road that was our only path home had been washed away from the now torrential rain. Even as I write this blog, I think to myself  “what an opportunity for great offense.”  God, in His providence, had other plans. This trip was probably one of the most impactful trips of my life. God worked out so much fear in my life. He healed me from the abandonment that I felt from my father. He literally revived my heart, that my heart skipped a few beats and restarted, as He healed me from the spirit of death.  He broke the pride that was tormenting my life and helped me to be a better friend and release my critical, judgmental spirit. What an absolutely befitting place for God to deal with my pride. His voice resonated so strongly in me. His Spirit shook me and broke down my pride. I was being washed over and over by the water of His Word, as I sat in His presence confronting lies, hurts, habits and disappointments. I felt like I walked a hundred miles that frightful evening. I would do it again to be where I am today. Tears and water mixed together as I pushed forward refusing to be gripped by anxiety and paralyzing fear as rain poured over me. At the end of this trip, I was truly humbled. 

Now you may be wondering to what end was the healing I speak of. God does not do anything without a purpose, an intention for our good. His sovereignty preceding to clear the path to His ultimate plan for our lives. Prior to my trip to Lebanon, I had been having some dreams about a group that was getting together to pray in the United States. There was a movement of Natives around the prayer room, and I was having dreams about them. I didn’t fully know what was going to happen, I just felt drawn to this prayer movement. When I returned from Lebanon the Lord led me to join under a new leadership and began to mobilize me all through the United States, going to Native reservations, to Mexico to pray for Mexican Indians and to Canada interceding for the First Nations. Ultimately, exactly one year after my trip in Lebanon where I prayed at the Lebanon-Israeli border, I was in Israel as a delegate for the Native Americans praying at the Israeli-Lebanon border. It was the sovereignty and grace of God that I did not go onto these Native reservations without being healed up. The spiritual warfare could have been detrimental to my faith, my health and even my life. God had to heal me in community to bring me into a very communal people group. Tribes and clans live in community and that is the context for how you minister to them and love them. The indigenous people of the land have some desperate circumstances of death, disappointment, abandonment, fatherlessness and I needed to be healed so that I could comfort them with the same measure that I had been comforted. 

Reflection: 

Are you resisting a move of God in your life? Has he asked you to go somewhere, or befriend someone and you are resisting? I want to encourage you friend, surrender to His will and His ways. I promise they are so good, and His heart is so pure towards you. Have you been waiting on that promise land ministry or job and you feel like you are back at square one? Just remember that you might be going in circles because God is too kind to take you in, where the giants and the beasts will overtake you. It's all for your good.

Action Steps: 

1. Repent for not allowing God to heal you in the midst of community, family, church, work or wherever He has wanted you.

2. Surrender and ask Him to position you in His perfect place for healing. (Yes, it could be hanging over the cliff of a mountain in a storm, hanging onto Him for dear life.) 

3. Spend extended time in His presence and Word. Let the Living Water, and the water of His Word wash over you, pour over you and drench you.  

Let’s Pray: 

Father, I know there are places in my life that You want to heal, and I have not opened my heart to allow You to do it. I am sorry I have not trusted You. I am ready now. I want to surrender my understanding and venture in faith to wholeness. I know that You will use me for Your kingdom purposes and plans. You are waiting for me so that You can equip me for the more. Holy Spirit lead me, show me and please help me. I want all that You have spoken to me, and I don’t want to get in the way anymore.

In Jesus' name, Amen.